Battle of sexes – in the skies!
Dedicated to the girl who said “give me dildo and your tool box and I won’t need you to come to work anymore”
Women with wings / flying females; worthy of the skies…or not quite there? This has been a topic at the work place for some time now and me being the little trouble seeker I am I’ve decided to bring the war to the blogosphere!!!
I’m not going to get into details…I’m just going to state the facts as to why you girls should stay at home and do the dishes while us boys handle the planes!
I’m not going to talk about piloting skills either, I’m not a pilot nor do I know much about the art of flying so I’m going to restrict this slander to the activities I deal with in the aviation industry – maintenance, engineering, and ground handling!
Ok…so let’s start with the basics. Why do women want in on the aviation industry? It’s simple really – Expensive, shiny objects. That’s it…nothing more! Oh! That and the fact that some stupid feminist told you “you can do anything a guy can do and better” Now don’t get me wrong I admit there are things in this world that you as females have mastered! Washing dishes, ironing clothes and giving birth / raising children…but getting into aviation engineering and maintenance? Phuleaze!!!! *rolls his eyes*
But honestly loves…do you seriously think you can slug it out as hard as us men can? Can you stand for hours in the scorching sun waiting for that damned delayed flight the return to base? You know, the one that got delayed coz one of those blonde, fly twit airhostesses mistakenly deployed the escape chute while the aircraft was getting prepped to take off? Ok…so you CAN stand sit five hours in the hot sun, but under an umbrella, with a little cart load of sun block, chilled drinks and those damn HI magazines…it’s a bit troublesome on the flight line don’t you think? And lets not even consider the havoc you pretties will wreck if you had to turn around an aircraft in half an hour or less…remember the tears you shed when you broke a nail replacing that hot, binding brake unit…and how about that time you took fifteen minutes to clean the windshield?…yes your gorgeous but doing up your hair looking at your reflection in the windshield is NOT what our beloved Captain wants to see when he has to be airborne in less than a hour!!!
Ok…so you think you can make it in the hangers huh? No. you can’t. Not in a million years…unless of course you can somehow figure out how to stop your periods, your annoying mood swings and the need to run to “ladies room” every half hour! In a high stress, time limited, environment like that we cant really be all “darling could you get off the cell phone with your girlfriends and pass me that wrench please” it will almost always be “Ado Cleopatra queen of %$!#*~** Egypt pass me that damned 7/16 NOW!!!!!” that sorta language coupled with your weird mood swings and the fact you cry excessively coz I “hurt your feelings” simply will not do!!! I’ll sweet talk to you later…after I’m done hanging from a fifteen foot engine and need a nice relaxing massage!!! And if you stand under the oil drain port when I enable it, it’s not really my fault if your 8000 buck, bonded, straightened, highlighted hair turned smoky black and started to fall out when you shower, brush your hair, etc!!! I mean I did place the placard that said “WARNING OIL DRAIN IN PROGRESS”…I assumed you’d see it but I guess with all those text messages to your friends telling them about the new hair do and how hot the new gay hairdresser is…you must have kinda, sorta, missed it completely!?!? So if you can’t tolerate the being covered in turbine oil, fuel and the occasional bird guts then the hanger my lady is not the place for you!
And who in gods green earth told you that you could handle avionics?!?! Yes you can pick up and GPWS computer and probably solder a wire or two without setting fire to the aircraft but can you pick up a aircraft battery? No loves you can’t! 10 of you maybe?…MAYBE!!! And did you know that modern toilet flushes are electrically operated? Yes love that falls under the “Avionics” duties…sorry!!! Oh and one little pointer…singing over the P/A system to test it out is not amusing so…don’t! NO! Really…DONT!!!
So let me see…you can’t really handle the flight line, you can’t do the hangers and oil, you don’t like avionics coz of the honey bucket (toilet) issue! So what does that leave you to do? Oooh oooh I know planning and management…yes yes!!! You can sit in an office, out of the sun, in the nice air conditioned atmosphere, free of dust, dirt and jet blast and kerosene fumes (which causes split ends) and PLAN the whole process!!! You can implement new ideas and streamline the engineering and maintenance!!! *YAY!!!*
**Lets the thought drift about in the females head for a while**
**Watches in horror as she starts writing down her new ideas in her Barbie notepad**
No! NO! NO!!!!!! Pink overalls simply wont work…to hell with visibility…I refuse to wear to pink!!! And what’s wrong with lifebuoy?!?! Yes Herbal essences smell better but it’s an added expense love! What do you mean it’ll come out of lunch allowance??? What do you mean we eat too much??? SALADS AND WHOLEWHEAT BREAD???
But seriously. I’m not a chauvinistic pig. I like women in the work place…coz…well…I like women!!! But the thing is we males are a bit cautious about handing over things we would normally do to you women. We’ve always thought of you as smaller, weaker beings and ladies like it or not this is a very physically and mentally demanding field!
So for now we’ll tolerate you in the hangers, flight lines and workshops; but that’s just it…tolerance! If you want us to accept you completely without cocking our heads when you offer to take over a task…prove yourself. We’re looking beyond your petite appearance and your tiny frames and putting our trust in you…so prove us wrong, make us proud. But be warned get cocky or throw a bitch fit and we WILL make you remove a fifteen kilo fuel pump with one hand, and plug up the fuel line with the other hand while being constantly drenched with fuel throughout the whole damned process and if you fail we WILL laugh and make you cry!!!