The contrast that is; Me.

I wake up at the ass-crack of dawn, sit myself down at my desk and start filling in worksheets like my life depended on them. Carried out this inspection, installed that part, no defects found, task carried out successfully, found satisfactory, etc etc etc! I hate doing paperwork but here I am. even before the sun thinks its time to get out there…dutifully doing my paperwork. yes! Its part of getting my license and moving up in life but I like my life the way it is now…its simple, uncomplicated and carefree. Why then do i bother with the worksheets in the first place?!?!?

I’m so under paid its probably a crime, but there I am sweat dripping off my forehead, fingers sore from twisting them into unseen places (on aircraft you perves), I bleed from tiny cuts I get from work and cringe during my hot even showers as the grease and grim are scrubbed from my scratches, and I’m over worked to say the least!!! But if left alone – far from the agonizing monotonous rants of my retarded executive-in-charge, you’ll find me humming some popish song and smiling to myself coz I’m happy. Here and now.

I used to crave “the life” with the continuous happening parties and the even-more-happening people, with the free flowing whiskey and the trippy foreign girls, the poolside make outs and the beach hut one night stands, but now the Friday nights spent at home watching some cheesy movie I downloaded off Torrents and sleeping at 9pm seems like the “Real deal” No hangovers, no messed up biological clock, less drama and more time to read those books i bought but never read!

And my city….how i used to love the city…the lights, the smells, the 2am kottu, and the lazy coffee stop afternoons, the endless options of places to hang out and the trishaw rides from A to Z!!! But now you’ll find me walking a half a mile to nearest boutique, listening to the distant rumble of the Indian ocean and stopping occasionally to see the fish in the stream pop to the surface for a quick gulp of air!

A few months back I would have died to be going out with her, but now i can hardly remember her cell phone number! I craved, wanted and thought i needed to be with a person, who now is someone I randomly miss and talk to even less! It saddens me in a sense, but is also very soothing to know that i haven’t out lived my singledom.

I wanted to go abroad, see the world, change my name, go bungee jumping, drink sake, buy a huge 1300cc motorcycle, work for a few dozen little airlines that would let me fly on board every single day as a flight engineer and have someone to call at the end of the day to tell them all about things and yet…here i am without any of those things happy as can be!

And I wonder…what is wrong with me? my cant i have one, proper, steady, focus. why do i crave a glorious luxurious life one day and want to live the life of a beach bum the next? Its complicated i tell myself. confusing to say the least…but on the other hand its really quite simple.

and that is the contrast that i am. this is me.

~ by Kaiser Kobayashi on September 9, 2009.