*Breathe*
Today was one of “those” days…where the cool sea breeze reminded me of you, when the sunset was breath taking like you. One of those days where every song I heard screamed out your name at me and begged me to reconsider. I even said your name out loud just to see what it felt like, to see if it still made me grin like an idiot…it didn’t.
Someone once told me that you should never regret something you did, because at some point in time that was EXACTLY what you wanted. Is this what I wanted? really? It must have been…Strange really…I’m usually not one to question myself yet here I am pondering upon my choice of action…I must have got that from you.
People ask me how you’re doing and when I say I honestly don’t know, they stop. period. and then they change topics immediately…It’s funny really…Were we really that close? Were we one of those couples who knew what the other had for lunch?!? It seems that way sometimes.
When did everything become so cliché’? Everything I need to say seems like a line out of some cheesy low budget movie. I never meant to hurt you. I wish things had ended differently between us. I’m sorry. I miss us. Cliché’
The thing with people is that they will always let you down. To be in love is to give your heart to someone, to give them the power to destroy you, but to trust them not to. Strangely I’m yet to find someone who didn’t betray that trust. You came so close, gave me so much hope, gave me something to believe in, and then you faltered, Stalled and failed. Completely.
I occasionally sit in the dark of the morning and type these long loving letters to you…letters which have no real beginning, no proper end, and then I go to sleep frustrated, hurt, confused; and in the morning I read through the first few lines and delete them. I mean what is the point? honestly? What’s done is done. what was said was said and at the end of it all. we failed. not you, not me, neither of us individually…but us..as a couple. we didn’t make it. couldn’t make it. and I for one hold no grudges.
I do however blame you for the abrupt endings. you gave me no closure. no final farewell. one day we were fine, the next…nothing. and that was highly unfair of you. That hurt. That was what broke me and made me give up on you. once and for all.
Letting go of people is never easy. it always feels wrong. it always makes you turn around and gaze upon your glorious past together and ponder upon the outcome of things if a few variables had changed along the way. the great “What if”.
But after a while I have come to realize that sometimes the bridges you burn will light your way. occasionally the ties you severe will set you free. And sometimes the people you loved with every single heartbeat were the weight that held you down, the chains that bound you to your limits. Do not hate. for once there was only love there. Do not hurt for once she was your every joy. but I pray..do not dwell in the dull glimmer of hope. it was never meant to be. It will never be. you had your chance, you took your shot. you fell short. for whatever the reasons it didn’t work out. This is the fate of things, the way is it meant to be…accept that. admit it to yourself, and carry on with your life. I beg of you.
Life is glorious. wonderful. exciting. it is vibrant and colourful. it is everything they promised it would be but YOU have to let be so…you have to give it a chance.
“Nothing but the end of the world is the end of the world”
Close your eyes, remember who you are, count your blessings, and breathe.
this brought back memories i’ve buried deep down inside… know that we do move on, we do grow, and we do learn from every heartache… i know because i have…
p.s: YOU are amazing. that is all.
Diyana said this on November 8, 2011 at 9:43 pm